Sparklers Magazine: January 2016

Make Time To Take Time For Yourself!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Words no husband EVER wants to hear from his wife only three weeks into their marriage!

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Make sure you are working at building a forever kind of love!

We had been married for less than a month when we received some devastating news. The little brother of one of our dearest longtime friends had been murdered! The news shook us to our very souls. We faithfully watched the nightly news to see if there had been any breaks in the case and if the monster that had done this had been caught. Night after night as we watched the news, I became more and more anxious. All they ever reported about was the ugly side of humanity, bad, unimaginable things. Wasn’t there anything good to report?

One night I went to bed before my Husband, I was in that state of Hypnagogic. When something startled me, a feeling of uneasiness came across me. I sat up in bed. I could see a silhouette in the door way due to a light shining from the other room. I called out my husband’s name, but no answer. Suddenly I heard a loud thud on the floor next to the bed as I looked back toward the doorway the shadowy image I had seen, was gone! Now don’t ask me why, but I immediately cast myself into the lead role of some cheesy horror film. My imagination went wild. I positioned myself in the middle of the bed, so nothing or no one could reach out from under it and grab me, because obviously, that must be what happened to my poor husband. As I sat there trembling in fear and calling out his name, I became more and more panicked each time it went unanswered. I began to cry uncontrollably. After what seemed like an eternity, (in reality, probably 10 seconds) my husband pops up from the floor and says, “Babe, don't cry, I was just teasing, I didn't mean to upset you”. Playful teasing is a big part of our relationship. I know his teasing is a sign of love and affection. But for weeks now all I've heard about on the nightly news was; murders, home invasions, kidnappings, rapes, abuse, robberies, shootings, etc… I’m a big Sissy! Just thinking about the evil in the world terrifies me and weighs heavy on my heart. I am overly sensitive. Scary movies totally unhinge me, just thinking about the fact that someone could even think up these sick twisted plots. Even haunted houses, Nope, no way, Not this girl! I Hate things popping up, jumping out at me, unexpected loud noises make me jump out of my skin!

What came next stunned us both. Through my sobs, I whispered “I want to go home, I want my Dad.” Now as my sweet Husband heard those words he turned on the light and seeing how distraught I was, he took me in his arms and held me tight. I sat there shaking and sobbing, he tried to reassure me I was okay, everything was okay! I could see how badly he felt, I knew it was not his intention to upset me.

Yet as I sat there in his arms, I couldn't help but feel I was totally justified in feeling hurt and let down, then it occurred to me, that on some level I had really let him down. I hadn’t fully stepped into the role as his wife, giving him my full trust and having faith in him to care for me, just as my Dad always had. I hadn’t fully allowed him to step into the role of husband, provider & protector. I realized that as his wife I needed to help him reach his full potential in his role as husband. I knew I hadn't done everything I could to help build his confidence in his new role. I needed to assure him that I had mentally moved him into the number one role of my protector, that I counted on him to help make me feel safe and secure, that I would rely on him above anyone else.

We adored each other, we were truly, deeply, madly in love, we were best friends, but that night, I realized, that wasn’t enough to sustain a forever marriage. There had to be more!

There had to be a firm foundation of mutual trust and a genuine feeling of safety and security between us. We had to support and encourage each other to realize our full potentials as husband and wife. We had to support each other not only temporally, but also emotionally and spiritually. We had to make a commitment to work hard in this relationship to show each other love, respect and support both in action and word. Once we both more fully understood our roles and responsibilities to each other we were able to start building an eternal marriage.

After all, it is possible to live Mostly Happily Ever After: You just have to be willing to work for it!

xoxo Claudia

Read related article with more relationship info in the February/March 2016 issue of Sparklers Magazine