celebrate
Words no husband EVER wants to hear from his wife only three weeks into their marriage!
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Make sure you are working at building a forever kind of love!
We had been married for less than a month when we received some devastating news. The little brother of one of our dearest longtime friends had been murdered! The news shook us to our very souls. We faithfully watched the nightly news to see if there had been any breaks in the case and if the monster that had done this had been caught. Night after night as we watched the news, I became more and more anxious. All they ever reported about was the ugly side of humanity, bad, unimaginable things. Wasn’t there anything good to report?
One night I went to bed before
my Husband, I was in that state of Hypnagogic. When something startled me, a feeling of
uneasiness came across me. I sat up in bed. I could see a silhouette in the door way due to a light
shining from the other room. I called
out my husband’s name, but no answer. Suddenly
I heard a loud thud on the floor next to the bed as I looked back toward the doorway the shadowy image I had seen, was
gone! Now don’t ask me why, but I
immediately cast myself into the lead role of some cheesy horror film. My
imagination went wild. I positioned
myself in the middle of the bed, so nothing or no one could reach out from
under it and grab me, because obviously, that must be what happened to my poor
husband. As I sat there trembling in fear
and calling out his name, I became more and more panicked each time it went unanswered. I began to cry uncontrollably. After what seemed like an eternity, (in
reality, probably 10 seconds) my husband pops up from the floor and says, “Babe,
don't cry, I was just teasing, I didn't mean to upset you”. Playful teasing is a big part of our
relationship. I know his teasing is a
sign of love and affection. But for
weeks now all I've heard about on the nightly news was; murders, home invasions, kidnappings,
rapes, abuse, robberies, shootings, etc…
I’m a big Sissy! Just thinking about the evil in the
world terrifies me and weighs heavy on my heart. I am overly sensitive. Scary
movies totally unhinge me, just thinking about the fact that someone could even
think up these sick twisted plots. Even
haunted houses, Nope, no way, Not this girl! I Hate things popping up, jumping
out at me, unexpected loud noises make me jump out of my skin!
What came next stunned us
both. Through my sobs, I whispered “I want to go home, I want my Dad.” Now as my
sweet Husband heard those words he turned on the light and seeing how
distraught I was, he took me in his arms and held me tight. I sat there shaking and sobbing, he tried to
reassure me I was okay, everything was okay! I could see how badly he felt, I knew it was
not his intention to upset me.
Yet as I sat there in his arms, I couldn't help but feel I was
totally justified in feeling hurt and let down, then it occurred to me, that
on some level I had really let him down. I
hadn’t fully stepped into the role as his wife, giving him my full trust and
having faith in him to care for me, just as my Dad always had. I hadn’t fully allowed him to step into the
role of husband, provider & protector. I realized that as his wife I needed to help
him reach his full potential in his role as husband. I knew I hadn't done everything I
could to help build his confidence in his new role. I needed to assure him that I had mentally moved him into the number one role of my protector, that I counted on him to help make me feel safe and secure, that I would rely on him above anyone else.
We adored each other, we were
truly, deeply, madly in love, we were best friends, but that night, I realized,
that wasn’t enough to sustain a forever marriage. There had to be more!
There had to be a firm
foundation of mutual trust and a genuine feeling of safety and security between
us. We had to support and encourage each other to realize our full potentials
as husband and wife. We had to support each other not only temporally, but also emotionally and spiritually. We had to make a commitment to work hard in this relationship to show each other love, respect and support both in action and word. Once we both more
fully understood our roles and responsibilities to each other we were
able to start building an eternal marriage.
After all, it is possible to live Mostly Happily Ever After: You just have to
be willing to work for it!
xoxo Claudia
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